Who’s the Bitch?

My friend really impressed me the other day when she told me about the book she is reading. It’s called No One’s the Bitch.

She is taking the high road in dealing with a challenging (and terrible) person that she cannot remove from her life (or beat up).

My friend is a really positive person and she puts a lot effort into being positive. Sometimes it rubs off on me, but there is no denying that that the books I read have more of a survival of the fittest theme to them (and sometimes I do my hair like Katniss Everdeen).

A couple days after our conversation, and a couple glasses of red wine later, I got a text from my friend:

“She is such a cunt.”

I had to smile when I heard such a beautiful person use such an aggressive word. She confirmed my suspicions. that usually, we’re the bitch. It is in that humility and surrender that we found our friendship.

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It’s Okay Girls…

I told two rather frightened 14-year old girls that they could go into the house as the cop approached us in the driveway. I asked them to take in the melting ice cream cake as he explained to me that “it seemed strange how we were double parking” in front of our house.

Looking like 3 deer in the headlights that he just tried to run down, he conceded without asking for my drivers license. It must be a slow night in West Vancouver.

Here’s the birthday cake I designed for Jaden with the famous photo that broke Twitter as Ellen tried to set a record for the most re-tweets ever as the Oscars. Jaden loves film, and I love Jennifer Lawrence. We were only a Photoshop session away from a solution.

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Acrylic Artist

I had so much fun in my 8 week acrylic painting course. The people were absolutely charming and I learned a lot.

I walked away with most of the technical skills I was hoping to gain, but most importantly, my wonderful teacher taught me to be brave. On the first day I was nervous to paint anything and just focused on making a colour wheel table. By the second day, when I had finally put something onto a canvas that I liked, I was too nervous to finish the painting in fear of wrecking it.

Fortunately, our teacher is amazing and she convinced me to take chances and realize that if I don’t, I will just keep painting the same paintings. I didn’t think this painting would turn out as well as it did, but I was very proud when the ladies admired it and told me how brave of a choice it was.   

Inspired by Shelley Thomas

Inspired by Shelley Thomas

Burning Man: Cargo Cult 2013

Burning Man: Cargo Cult 2013

Coach Knows Best

After a couple late afternoon rounds of gin and prosecco, I found my way to Grandpa at our favourite bar, Scoozi’s.

I told him about the Mud, Sweat and Tears 12km obstacle course I am doing, and I enlisted in his help as my coach. On that note, we walked home from the bar instead of taking a taxi.

It wasn’t much longer we had a couple Big Mac combo’s sitting in front of us. I felt a little overdressed in my favourite dress, but probably not as out of place as I’ll feel on the obstacle track.

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I Know the Hamster is Dead

Yes, the kids went out of town and their pet hamster died. I am currently a live-in-nanny, and although pet life support is outside of nanny jurisdiction, I did feel a little bad. Their dad was supposed to taking care of it, but this post is not about their hamster dying.

I inherited  my mother’s OCD tendencies, and I run a tight ship, especially in the cheese department. The cheese is sealed in a air-tight container and pre-cut into very square pieces. I know how square they used to be, because when I cut them, if a corner crumbled, I would cut it into a rectangle and eat half.

You can imagine how horrified I was to find teeth marks in the corner of the top square of cheese.

The father and the son were the only ones in the house, and I know it wasn’t the son because all he eats in junk food. It certainly was not the hamster, which means it was a grown man who bit into a piece of cheese, and put it back into the container.

I previously had to approach him on a similar subject. I had asked him about the half dozen gnawed off strawberry tops that went back into the fridge with the other strawberries.

His response was that I am a difficult person to live with.

I know, just ask the hamster.

Not a lot of things genuinely make me queasy…

Not a lot of things genuinely make me queasy…

 

Innocent Until Proven Filthy

Does this title even need to be followed by a post?

May 9th I am participating in Hergott’s Law’s Mud, Sweat and Tears 12km obstacle course team: Innocent Until Proven Filthy

I have never even run 12 consecutive kilometres, so this should be interesting.

To give you an idea of how just how extreme I am, this is me before ice wine grape picking this winter. I only lasted 3 hours…

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Bring on the filth

Drinking before Noon

WineFest: Open to the public. This year anyways…

Vancouver WineFest 2014

“I never drink wine before noon without expecting something terribly exciting to happen.”

In an email I sent to Megan, that was our precursor for Vancouver’s WineFest Blind Tasting Challenge.

Megan is in the wine industry, but I checked the “consumer” box when we arrived to our event at 10:10AM on a Wednesday. We were 10 minutes late, and greeted by a very serious room of professionals who informed us that the challenge was “well under way.”

When we bought tickets, I was picturing blindfolds and giggling. Instead, I found myself in front of a very technical test. For instance, did you know that Slovenia has their own oak barrel methods, and it is reasonable to ask a person questions about wine based on that fact? I am not even sure that I expressed that statement in a way that makes sense.

I did not let it get me down too much, and I focused on the aspect of the test that I could: finishing on time. Keeping in mind that we were late, I walked a precarious line of drinking fast enough, but not so fast that I looked like a redneck.

Our challenge was at the Culinary Arts School, which is quite fancy. It certainly did not strike me as a place that would allow you to drink straight out of the water bottle on the table. It was after that consideration that I accidentally poured my water into the spit cup. It struck a few laughs, but not the drunk kind.

Anyways, I was well on my way to trying 8 new wines before noon.

After our blind wine, we had wine more while talking about wine, then they gave us a gift bag with a bottle of wine. Finally, it was time go eat something, and the restaurant had half off of all their wine, so I did not drive home. In fact, I probably could not have even found my car if I wanted to drive home.

Granville Island is the Hogwarts of parking spots and it took me a couple laps around the Island in the morning to find my car. Thankfully it was not towed, dude.

This is the part where they revealed what the wines were and everyone giggled because we were drunk before noon.

This is the part where they revealed what the wines were and everyone giggled because we were drunk before noon.

Oops, last to leave. Party faux pas…certainly didn't notice at the open bar.

Oops, last to leave. Party faux pas…certainly didn’t notice at the open bar.

Mine Rescue Style

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I took a mine rescue course. It was five exhausting and rewarding days that sort of defined what it is to be on a team.

Everyone had their strengths, weaknesses and doubts that we helped each other through. We learned a lot, and we laughed more. I have confidence in topics I didn’t even know about prior to the course.

My brute strength may have been below par, but rumour has it I scored 100% on the course.

They didn’t actually tell us our scores, but apparently they were telling the next batch of mine rescue candidates.

However, I think their statements lacked some truth –  I only scored 92% on the written part of the exam, perhaps I made the rest up in charm?

Poster boy road trip

ImageImageWhat kind of blogger lets a one-month bad mood get in the way of blogging? There was an incident with my beautiful snow cave that I am not ready to rehash yet.

Carrying our giant male underwear calendar through the hotel lobby yesterday, I got an idea. Our friend’s mom bought the calendar for us and we are going to take it on our west coast road trip and take photos with it in different places.

We’ll start in Vancouver, head to Victoria and up the coast to Prince Rupert.

Bon voyage.