Battered at the Redneck Games

Inspired by a mud pit and a gorgeous sunny day, our camp hosted the first official Redneck Games.

The first of which was an uphill 3-legged race. John and I strategized, gave ourselves a very convincing pep talk and then came in next to dead last. Then I dropped our egg on the first toss of the egg toss game – ankle deep mud does very little for agility.

But alas, my moment to shine arrived: the paired 6”x6” run

We have 10 foot wooden 6”x6” beams to build drill pads and use recreationally for redneck games.  Admittedly, Dan did most of the carrying when we ran like hell in the mud and came in first place.

I felt like a rock star, but my moment didn’t end there.

During a lovely conversation I heard my name and stepped directly into the path of a high-speed egg. Thankfully the crowd was warning me to get the hell out of the way instead of aiming at me.

Seemingly, everyone except for myself was paying attention to “David” who had made a sling to hit “Goliath” with an egg. Goliath was a helicopter over 100 feet away and Nicole was a civilian casualty.

It was like I was shot in the leg with a potato gun.

Fifty people got very quiet very quickly. I was in shock enough to play it cool until their attention was diverted with a wrestling match. I then spent 10 minutes avoiding eye contact trying not to cry. All I could think of were whisky and cigarettes. I was like a poor little beggar girl, but I did not shed a tear.

I have significantly fewer stories to recount of from that point on.

The bruise I got is 3.5 inches in diameter; I know that with the precision of a measuring tape. The center is red with an outer circle of white and a feathered purple outline further from that. I didn’t even know bruises could do that!

Poor “David” provoked Goliath. He was pelted with 5 eggs and thrown into a moat by the crowd. I actually feel pretty bad for him, it was a complete accident and he’s beating himself up over it pretty bad.

The party didn’t end when I collected a few more bruises stumbling up to my room and fell asleep like a corpse. Breakfast was a hilarious recount of the goofy things that happened. Everyone greeted one another the next day with a bashful grin or burst of laughter.

A serious looking foreman did a headcount and asked “Do you know if any of the girls have a driller in their room?”